I wanted to bootstrap my biohacking startup driven by artificial intelligence. We keep all our data in the cloud accessible by an Amazon dongle that also works with your AirBnB, but that may become deprecated in the future. Our goal is to disrupt FAANG by leveraging our diversity and inclusion capabilities. Basically our motto is Don’t Be Evil. Perhaps you’ve heard one of our evangelists talk about this, as well s our commitment to free speech and GDPR. Some have said we are a gentrifier, but our commitment to ideological diversity makes our incubator a real meritocracy, which is why we expect to IPO later this year. Our mission is to monetize our platform, but we respect privacy and absolutely oppose the old ideology of “Move Fast and Break Things.” We had to pivot away from our earlier microdosing play at an off-site last year, but we think we now have enough runway to revolutionize the industry and go to scale using our smart grocery bags in a sharing economy play. You may have heard people on Snapchat calling me a “tech bro” but the FTC generally considers me to be a thought leader. Unlike the CEOs of Twitter and Über, I am a unicorn UX designer, which is why we’ve been able to draw so much venture capital. We’ve managed to eliminate our employee costs, and keep out the bad actors so we don’t anticipate having to issue an apology to our angel investors down the line, so our growth strategy is really on autopilot at this point.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
Based on a glossary from “How to Speak Silicon Valley“